you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
