i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
