I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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