I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
