Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
