Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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