Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
