my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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