I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
