Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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