I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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