I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
