I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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