So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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