Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
