Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
