Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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