Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
