seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
