Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
