So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
