I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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