Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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