It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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