Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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