using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
