At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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