So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
