Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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