I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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