I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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