The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
