How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
