Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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