is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
