Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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