Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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