matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
