somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
