I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
