Me. At least after what I've been through.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
