Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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