I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
