We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
