Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
