I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this just has baby written all over it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
