Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
