Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
