i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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