note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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