I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
