I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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