i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
