But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
