cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
