I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
