uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
