He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize