The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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