I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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