He had one of those small greek statue penises
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
