My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The power of my boobs compel you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
