so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
