There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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