Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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