am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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