You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
