The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
