I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
