thus making me awesome and them whores
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
