the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
