he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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