dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
